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Meg or Mozart?

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Before being mommy, my name was Brittany. Some may still call me by my name; others have thrown it out of window. Now, my name is “Is Noelle up?”

Summer 2019, which according to Meg the Stallion was a “hot girl summer” that I CLEARLY missed. Me and Noelle are getting in the car, the Bluetooth hasn’t connected quite yet and all of a sudden I hear blasting on the radio “REAL HOT GIRL SHIT!”. So, naturally, the twerk in me begins to rear its pretty little head. As I lower my hands to touch my knees as if I was about to ‘drop down and get my eagle on’ (Yes, I just showed my age), I look in the rearview mirror. Noelle is cracking up laughing! The cutest, most fun baby in the world is looking at me as if I were a fool. Those big, bright, brown eyes staring directly at me, like she knew I was about to do something really crazy and wanted to see more. GRRRRRRRRR!! I can’t listen to this with you in the car! **turns to baby playlist of Nursery version of Mozart’s 1781 Sonata for Two Pianos in D Major**, which I have lovingly accepted as my new reality. No more blasting Meg or Migos; we have a baby in here now!

After reading a crazy amount of articles while pregnant, I knew that classical music was good for the brain development of babies. So, needless to say, we have been listening to this since she was in the womb. But, believe it or not, my name used to be ‘Brittany’. Young, vibrant, witty, traveler, music buff, ready to take on any challenge that came her way (but don’t be fooled, she is still here!) College grad that thrived as her best self on Thirsty Thursdays and during her mid-afternoon Criminology course. Single (not anymore), going out every weekend, hitting up the newest bar or club in the city. Except now, MOM MODE is in full effect! Which by the way is so exciting, yet beautifully strange and scary. Who would’ve thunk it? Britt Bratt (my college nickname) would become a mommy. Making an impression on this little one since the day she was born; PRESSURE MUCH!? Ok, so she may not know exactly what I am saying right now, but ‘m going to start practicing now! Be a better version of myself, more mindful of my actions and words, less cares about foolery.

So, let’s just say that I had a lukewarm summer. About as lukewarm as her formula. And I am ok with that. I just had my hot girl summer at my desk, twerking and typing with my headphones on full blast. 🙂

Signed,

The Perfectly Imperfect Mommy

Me and My Crazy Brain.

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Me On a Daily Basis

Figuring this shit out one day at a time.

-me.

I made a promise to myself when Noelle arrived that I’d be SUPER MOM! I mean PTA meetings, soccer practice every Wednesday and Thursday, travel with the team, make lunch everyday, read her bedtime stories every night. Basically everything that I’ve seen on tv. Oh! And still go out with my girlfriends, go to work five days a week, try not to annoy my partner (LOL), go to the gym 3 times a week, meditate and drink my water. She has been here on this earth for six months and I’m thinking to myself WTH WAS I THINKING! LOL

I love this little kid like the air that I breathe. But how on earth does the typical mom do all of the above? We haven’t even begun the crawling stage and I am freaking out about when she hits 6th grade! My anxiety flares up just thinking about it. It blows my mind how time has flown. She smiles when I walk in the room. Kicks and kicks like she’s trying to jump out of a paper bag. Loves to eat (like mommy). Meanwhile, deep inside, mommy is FREAKING OUT!

I am the kind of person that has not discovered how to create “balance” in her life. I’m an all or nothing kind of gal. When I am into something, I AM IN IT and it’s hard to get me out. Being a mommy is the biggest role in the world to me; I think about her every minute of the day. It can be a bit overwhelming. I want nothing but the best for her. So, working my eight hours, running home or to my families house to pick her up, and getting in my bed at night is my everyday routine. My brain hasn’t even allowed me to venture off into other worlds, like GOING OUT FOR A DRINK or taking a walk by myself or even replying to my group chat messages. My brain won’t allow me to. This is my daily struggle; getting back to me. Allowing myself to not just be a mommy, but be Brittany as well.

I’m trying.

-Signed,

The Perfectly Imperfect Mommy