Figuring this shit out one day at a time.

-me.

I made a promise to myself when Noelle arrived that I’d be SUPER MOM! I mean PTA meetings, soccer practice every Wednesday and Thursday, travel with the team, make lunch everyday, read her bedtime stories every night. Basically everything that I’ve seen on tv. Oh! And still go out with my girlfriends, go to work five days a week, try not to annoy my partner (LOL), go to the gym 3 times a week, meditate and drink my water. She has been here on this earth for six months and I’m thinking to myself WTH WAS I THINKING! LOL

I love this little kid like the air that I breathe. But how on earth does the typical mom do all of the above? We haven’t even begun the crawling stage and I am freaking out about when she hits 6th grade! My anxiety flares up just thinking about it. It blows my mind how time has flown. She smiles when I walk in the room. Kicks and kicks like she’s trying to jump out of a paper bag. Loves to eat (like mommy). Meanwhile, deep inside, mommy is FREAKING OUT!

I am the kind of person that has not discovered how to create “balance” in her life. I’m an all or nothing kind of gal. When I am into something, I AM IN IT and it’s hard to get me out. Being a mommy is the biggest role in the world to me; I think about her every minute of the day. It can be a bit overwhelming. I want nothing but the best for her. So, working my eight hours, running home or to my families house to pick her up, and getting in my bed at night is my everyday routine. My brain hasn’t even allowed me to venture off into other worlds, like GOING OUT FOR A DRINK or taking a walk by myself or even replying to my group chat messages. My brain won’t allow me to. This is my daily struggle; getting back to me. Allowing myself to not just be a mommy, but be Brittany as well.

I’m trying.

-Signed,

The Perfectly Imperfect Mommy